Monday, January 9, 2012

Vaseline Glasses

That's about as close as I can get to describing my vision today. If you've never suffered the effects of a migraine, color me jealous and count yourself lucky. I'm not going to go all WebMD and list the symptoms here for you. But if you would imagine that you've wrapped plastic wrap around your eyes—please, don't cover your mouths and noses—and then slathered on a heavy coat of Vaseline to further impair your vision, and then try to look at a pulsing computer monitor for 9 hours.

For good measure, have someone stand behind you while sitting, and lightly smash you repeatedly with a hammer. Remember that "impact tremor" scene in Jurassic Park? Imagine that sounds entering your ear do the same thing inside your head. Except instead of a little ripple of water in a clear plastic cup, you get the warm-up time for a middle school orchestra exploding in your brain.

That has been the last five hours or so since The Boy woke me up for the third time last night. But the weekend wasn't a total loss.

I cooked and baked a lot. Two loaves of bread on Saturday, plus pizza dough for homemade pizzas. Potato soup for lunches this week and to freeze. Meatloaf, Parmesan and garlic mashed potatoes, and corn for the meat-eaters in the house. I ran out of time to make chocolate chip cookie bars. Maybe tonight.

We also cleaned a lot, tossing some more things from the basement into the trash and recycling, and mopped the floors in the whole house. Apparently they needed it since my kids must be related to Pig Pen from Peanuts.

Plus, the kids are finally old enough that we were able to relocate our coffee table back up into the living room with decreased fear that a child will destroy themselves on it. I took the opportunity to put together about 10 puzzles last night to see if we had all the pieces. They were all in a jumble, in two separate places, but I sorted them all and went to town. The hardest one were the two, identical, 50-piece Disney Princess puzzles. I'm not joking. Two puzzles. Exactly the same puzzle. All 100 pieces—well, 98—in one box. Took me about 5 minutes to put them both together.

I'm sure you're just as not shocked as The Wife was last night. She came out of The Girl's bedroom after 5 minutes, saw that they were done, and didn't say a word. Apparently she's used to me doing things like this now. I didn't even make her Facebook feed. But, they're all done, with only 9 pieces missing from four puzzles. I'm shocked that wasn't higher.

I found some good time to write this weekend, and I'm about 700 words from passing that 60K mark. I'm finding it hard to just push forward, only because I have sixty-thousand words to keep in mind while I'm writing. I'm trying to ignore the editor instincts in me. It's hard. (That's what she said.)

I'd also like to take this opportunity to be proud of The Girl. Last night was the first night she'd slept in her bed all night, didn't wear a pull-up, and didn't piss all over herself. It probably didn't hurt that I carried her into the bathroom while she was still asleep. Regardless, she made it without an accident, and the prospect that we can put her potty-training behind us finally is exciting. Even if it means I have to paint over her nice, calming, light green walls and turn it into "My Princess Room." Her words. Hell, I'll paint it like Pixie Hollow or the inside of Prince Charming's castle if it means I don't have to but pull-ups for her anymore.

This is the year, folks. Starting off good, so let's keep it up. (Also what she said.)

*License: I took and modified this picture.

Word to the Nerd


B said...

Hahahaha. Nothing like a good that's what she said joke.

Sorry you're feeling so badly today, Josh. I do know the feeling. Sometimes I get such horrible migranes that it hurts to see the sunlight.

Julianna said...

Don't know how ya did it but you nailed my migraine pain. I am also home sick today. Could have been a trooper, but, no. I'm home watching repeats of HGTV and discovery channel. That is when I don't fall unconscious from exhaustion.

Good times. Good times.

Joshua said...

B - Nothing like it at all. The joke. And the migraine.

Julianna - I'm jealous. I'm at work, trudging on.

Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell said...

That is big time cool that she's night dry. HUGE achievement!

As for the puzzles, I would have just counted the pieces. Screw the putting together!

Cassie Mae said...

Never had a migraine before, so counting my lucky stars on that. I hope you feel better soon and that little miner in your head takes a break for a while.

Ugh, and potty training is the worst thing ever. Thank heavens my boy is past it, but now he's to the point of announcing everything about the potty in the middle of church. Yesterday he told the entire congregation how you don't shake the pee-pee more than three times at church, but at home it's okay.

Makes me wonder what the hubs is teaching him.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

My head has hurt that bad before.
Wonder what it will take for you to make your wife's Facebook feed?

Adam said...

I'm lucky enough to have never experience a migrane before, but I saw my co-worker with one about a year ago. I can tell they are not fun.

Padded Cell Princess said...

Migraines were just another lovely trait I was passed on through my dad's side of the family. Thankfully they have diluted through the generations so I don't get sick for days and hospitalized like my grandma and I don't throw up like my dad. I just have to stay in a completely quiet and completely dark room all day. I feel for you though, you seem to get them often.

aziasaidwhat said...

Migraines are a real biznatch. I've been there. Hope it gets better! Also, congrats on the potty training! It is so wonderful to not have to change piss pants. And, yes, girls looooove their pink princess stuff!

L.C. said...

Obviously it isn't a migraine. You're remembering all your adventures with the Doctor and the golden whisps of Time Lord left in your system are making your head burst in two. Duh, Nerd! :-)

Breann said...

Migraines are the WORST. I get them mostly when the weather patterns change and it's just miserable.
At least you have a few bright points like the potty training!

Joshua said...

Liz - The only problem is that there are duplicate puzzles, so counting wouldn't have done it. Besides, it was relaxing. Yes, I said relaxing.

Cassie - Only three times are church? What about gas stations?

Alex - She usually posts things about being married to a nerd. I was shocked that this didn't make it.

Adam - No they are not.

Princess - About once every two-three weeks. More frequent since the crash last year, but getting more time between episodes the further away that I get.

azia - True story: I was sitting at my desk at work, and wondered why I smelled piss. Then I realized it was the sweater I was wearing because it must have been washed with piss clothes. I had to go buy a new shirt.

L.C. - Except The Doctor must have done that thing he did to Donna because I can't remember our travels. But wait...I must have and that's why...oh no!

Joshua said...

Breann - It will be a fabulous day when it's considered habit. So very close.

Lil Dreamer said...

MMmmm. I'm jonesing for your mashed potatoes right now!! Of course, if by some way of cyber magic you were able to send them to me through my monitor and a hot steaming lump of them sat before me I would have to look at them and say: "Ewww CARBS!" while salivating through my teeth.

The company wants me to be their pool girl model again in April - and I'm not feeling worthy of the task - hence the comfort food deprivation.

Joshua said...

Lil - They are good potatoes, and pretty easy to...wait...what do you mean AGAIN?!

Pearl said...

Ouch. I've not had a migraine and hope to continue in that vein.

*tiptoeing away quietly*

jabblog said...

Ooh, nasty - hope it disappears soon.

Anne said...

I've never suffered a migraine before, but I once dated a bloke who did. It was horrible for him. He had to spend the day in a dark room, sound hurt and his stomach was sick the entire tme. We got rid of our coffee table when my daughter began learning to walk. She's 19 now and I still haven't bought a new one!

That 20 Something Virgin. said...

I'm pretty sure I've never had a migraine. If I have to guess about it though, that probably means I haven't.

And yay for The Girl not pissing on herself in the night! That's awesome. It really is.

David P. King said...

If I can somehow get the little ones to sleep in, that would be a miracle. Ironically enough, we had to wake up early one morning over the weekend, and guess what? We couldn't get them out of bed. That's a *facepalm* worthy moment. :)

Hope Roberson said...

Laughing...oh so funny :) And my goodness you were busy! I wish I could get half that done. I've done the carry my daughter to the bathroom while she's a zombie, she didn't remember it at all the next morning for an entire week :)

Heartbroken said...

Feel better soon. I've been spared from migraines so I don't really know what it feels like (but I appreciate the attempt to describe it!) - but on the other hand, I've been experiencing some other pains lately...

Pickleope said...

Hooray potty training taking hold! Booo migraines.
You're a stronger man than I resisting the editing urge, but that also may be why I've never finished a novel (reading or writing one).

Paige Kellerman said...

Holy Carp...that's right...carp. How did you get so much stuff done?! Just baking that much makes me want to curl into a little tiny ball and roll to my bedroom. Sorry about the migraines, but I'm dually impressed by both the super-human puzzle skills and getting writing in there, to boot!

Christine Rains said...

Yay for the Girl! I'm at the beginning of the potty training time. While my son was at first excited, now he's becoming resistant. I hope your head feels better. Migraines = hell.

FRANNIE said...

I get the blurred vision migraines similar to static on a tv but not the pain so I can't really complain. It happens when I spend too much time in front of the computer.

I can however celebrate the NO MORE PULL UPS phase. *high fives* all around. I remember when we used up our last box and it was do or die b/c I wasn't buying another stash.

J. A. Bennett said...

Yuck on the migraine! I'm potty training my girl as well, she does awesome during the day, but, like your girl, she has trouble at night. Here's keeping my fingers crossed.

C D Meetens said...

Oh, I feel for your with the migraine! I get them few and far between, but they're completely incapacitating.

I'm in awe of your cooking skills. A big congrats on getting all of that done, and here's hoping you manage the cookies too.

Jaleh D said...

Boo on the migraine, but I was totally laughing out loud at the potty training remarks. Had to explain what I was laughing about.

Peggy Eddleman said...

Mmm. I bet your house smelled heavenly this weekend!

And have fun with the "Princess Room!" There's nothing I love better than painting pictures on walls. No really. (My daughter's room is a castle. My boys' is outer space.)

BragonDorn said...

Very cool sights :)

Nicole Zoltack said...

Ugh, migraines are the worst!

We're just starting the process of potty training with son #1. I have a feeling it's going to be a long, long process.

Jade said...

I'm a migraine sufferer too. They suck completely. Inherited from my Nana... she has a lot to answer for that woman. My over addictive sweet-tooth for one! :) I don't have children so can't comment on the parenthood thing but can relate to the writing... :)

Look forward to following you.

Punk Chopsticks said...

Oh wow, tell me about it LOL.
I had migraines ever since I was six and i've kind of learned to live with the searing pain. It comes and goes (although it's been coming rather frequently ever since semester started which is a no-brainer)

Mynx said...

I get sinus not migranes but i feel your pain. As for the bed time dry night...whoo hooo that is cause for celebration. My oldest was a terrible bed wetter. He was 7 before we got it finally sorted.

vic caswell (aspiring-x) said...

ohMAN! sorry about the heaps of migraines!
can i come to your house to eat?
because OBVIOUSLY our kids must be related somehow, seeing as mine have the pigpen gene as well.
that puzzle thing is AMAZING!!! i blow big beefy chunks at puzzles. organization is a challenge for me. (maybe that's where my kids got the pigpen gene.)
good job on pegging away at the novel! my in-laws are up for the next few days, so i anticipate no progress for the duration of their stay.
hooray for the girl! how cute she wants to be a princess!
and YAY for NO DIRTY DIAPERS (pullups)
nerdling out.

Joshua said...

Pearl - Count yourself lucky. Thanks for moving quietly in my vicinity.

jabblog - It went away about 1pm, with some lingering after-effects. Came back with force about 6:30, though, and put me down for the night. Still pretty bad this morning, but I'm caffeinated and medicated. Here's hoping it goes away soon. If it would just RAIN!!

Anne - Mine are worse than dad are, but it's a sucky genetic trait. The Girl has said things every once in a while that make me think she's getting them, too.

That 20... - It is, isn't it?

David - I wish I could get them to sleep in. But at least now The Girl is at an age where she can use the Roku remote to stream Netflix for them, so one of us has to get up on weekends long enough to give them milk, some cereal to munch on, and give her the remotes. Then, it's about 45 more minutes of sleeping.

Hope - It's a sneaky trick, but it works.

Heartbroken - Takotsubo cardiomyopathy. :o/

Pickleope - It's really hard (TWSS).

Paige - How do I do it? Easy...just don't call DFACS.

Christine - The Girl was almost done training at 2. Then regressed. It's a control issue.

FRANNIE - We haven't used a pull-up going on day 3 now. She was a little wet last night, but not enough to soil the entire bed, so that's a big step forward!

J.A. - I'm crossing mine for you, too. Good luck!

C D - I would have made them last night, and I was jonesing for them, but the migraine left and came back with a vengeance, so it was nauseating just to think about cookies.

Jaleh - I can only imagine how that conversation went.

Peggy - I'm really excited. I painted a mural on my own wall when I was in high school, so I can't wait to come up with something with her.

Bragon - Thanks.

Nicole - Hopefully he'll take to it, right? You can hope.

Jade - Did you know migraines are more common in women? Yeah, true story.

Punk - Sometimes I can take something and ignore them, but other times they completely take you down.

Mynx - Ugh. Sinus headaches suck.

vic - Bah, ignore the in-laws. Just write. Or paint. Or just plain stare into space and rock backward and forward, backward and forward... I've found that makes people uncomfortable and they just walk away.

SuziCate said...

I've suffered through migraines most of my life, so I feel for you. I know all about the vision and the related stomach issues, not to mention the pain or the tremors from medications for relief...years ago had a seizure with paralysis on one side after one such four day endurance.

Joshua said...

Suzi - I'd say you win, but that's not really a game worth playing. I hate the feeling the meds give me.

Lance said...

Congratulations to your big girl. I've been through 3 the real fun starts

Oh and cool Thor hammer

Joshua said...

Lance - The real fun? Oh boy...